Careful Now

Am I supposed to feel different? Because I don't. I have these same stagnant feelings. Complacency. Longing. Distrust. Bitter. Cold.

Yet, I cannot go one day without someone telling me how happy I am and how great I am at making people laugh. Huh? I've been this same person since I was 21. Selfish and lonely but loving every second of it.

I've been saying out loud more and more lately that I don't want to get married. Every time I hear it, it's like someone else is saying it. And I think that person is crazy for not wanting to be married and have a family and cook and clean and do all those wifely duties. But the more I say it, I think I believe it. I actually believe it. Marriage sounds terrible. I don't want to share a bathroom and have to rely on someone for happiness. I am so happy alone. Things are my way and I don't have to change things about me or do what someone else wants. I know that is the epitome of the word selfish, but I know I am. I admit it!

Flip it. I have this stupid emo heart that quotes songs and writes in blogs about feeling different things for different people. I want to mush these people together and make someone I could really fall for. Then I'd believe in being in a relationship. But none of them are perfect and neither am I.

Don't want me cause I don't want you.

Don't want me. I don't want you.